The upside of breaking up

Last night, in search of a pre-karaoke drink, my friend Chris and I realized that we weren't the only ones pursuing shelter from the cold in the form of a hot toddy: our favorite cozy St. Mark's bar was packed. Of course, there's no shortage of bars in the East Village, but on a twenty-degree night, I wasn't in the mood to go wandering. After a brief pow-wow with the Yelp app near the bitingly breezy vestibule, Chris tapped me on the hand. "I just remembered--I know a cute creperie with really good wine a few doors down. I went there on a first date ages ago."

I will pretty much never say no to crêpes and wine, so off we went, and it was indeed darling. (And, most importantly, warm.) Our detour got me thinking about what we get out of dating after the damage is done. Sure, there are lessons to be learned. Memories to hang on to. Things you realize you can't compromise on. Next time: I'll be more appreciative and less of a nag. I won't turn a blind eye to flimsy excuses. I'll be more honest about what I need. I won't date someone who won't stand up for me. That's all great--but it also takes time, and acceptance. How do you convince yourself it was worth it in the meantime? How to rationalize the time you've spent on people you'd love to extinguish from the planet?

When I look back on the men in my life, however briefly they were there, I learned something from all of them, even if it wasn't necessarily a big life lesson. Marathon Man introduced me to two totally rad beer shops, and a neighborhood I'd never explored. Broadway Conductor dished some good dirt on my all-time favorite composer. And I like to think that I've given them some things to remember me by, too. I think we all probably do. Sharing the best place to get blintzes in Brighton Beach. Your favorite cute animal channel on YouTube. The trick you use to get wax out of candlesticks. A helpful iPhone app, a foolproof recipe, a nugget of info about the Second Avenue subway or how Jerusalem artichokes got their name. While we all have people in our past we'd rather forget (and some who left us with baggage that eclipses all else), sometimes it helps to focus on the good things the others left behind.

Even if it's just the knowledge of a charming creperie. Worth it? At least for last night, I think yes.